I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize