Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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