nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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