I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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