If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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