i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Damn victory sex feels great
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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