and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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