need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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