Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize