just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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