Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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