Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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