If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize