don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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