Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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