I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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