It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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