My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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