he thought i was a dude.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize