He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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