Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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