Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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