new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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