So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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