it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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