you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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