What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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