Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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