I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There's even glitter on my cock...
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