So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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