You're my little dorito
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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