Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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