I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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