We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my liver is dry heaving
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize