I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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