During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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