Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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