you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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