i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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