I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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