I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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