Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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