Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize