The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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