You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize