I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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