I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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