lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize