did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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