I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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